After studying the Cleveland Browns Jersey Culture three weeks ago, this article is intended as a shopping guide fans looking to purchase the jerseys of players on the current roster
The goal when making such a purchase is to not get screwed by buying a $120 jersey only for that player to no longer be on the team next year. Another equally important goal is to not jinx that player into a career of mediocrity. It is by no accident that this list excludes rookies and players whose future with the Browns is in question (for whatever reason). This top five list was constructed by analyzing current contract setups, player popularity, well founded superstitions, and science.
#5 JOEL BITONIO
Offensive linemen are the unsung heroes of the NFL. When a team has built an elite core of protectors, the guys scoring the touchdowns receive most of the spotlight (no disrespect to Mr Chubb, Hunt, or Mayfield). Joel Bitonio is a three-time pro bowler and three-time second team all pro. He entered the season with the highest PFF grade of any guard in the NFL. Bitonio survived the Hue Jackson era and was one of the first players to sign an extended contract with the Browns since Joe Thomas.
While this is not the flashiest purchase as far as jersey’s go, it is safe and sensible. Browns GM Andrew Berry has shown that he understands the importance of offensive linemen by selecting Jedrick Wills with the 10th overall pick in 2020 and signing free agent right tackle Jack Conklin (also a stud) the same year in free agency. Furthermore, a Bitonio jersey is one that can be worn with pride or framed once Bitonio’s journey with the Browns concludes.
#4 BAKER MAYFIELD
The placement of Browns QB1 at #4 on this list will undoubtedly lead to controversy. Half the people reading this list will angrily ask “why is Baker Mayfield not ranked at the top of this list?!” The other half will scream “Why would you put a Browns QB anywhere on this list before the Browns have secured multiple Lombardi trophies?!” I tend to align with the latter group on this subject.
It is my firm belief that Baker Mayfield is the franchise quarterback that the team has been waiting for. I would love to support Mayfield financially and metaphorically with the purchase of his jersey. However, I know for a fact that Trent Richardson’s career went south because I purchased his jersey in 2012. It will be a cold day in hell before I purchase a Mayfield jersey and risk something happening to his reign in Cleveland.
I realize that Browns fans (myself included) need to start moving on from the mental fear and anxiety that has plagued us over the years. Browns fans have suffered two decades of losing at an almost statistically impossible rate. Baker Mayfield ended the playoff drought and beat the absolute shit out of the Steelers in Pittsburgh. We have to trust our franchise quarterback, our promising front office, and our head coach’s jawline. Including Mayfield’s jersey on the list at the #4 mark is a sensible compromise between showing him some of the respect he deserves and not blatantly jinxing him by putting him at the #1 overall spot.
In conclusion, I encourage Browns fans to support their QB1 by purchasing his jersey.
I am not doing it.
But you guys should.
Compromise.
LET THE LIST COMMENCE!
#3 NICK CHUBB
We were all nervous about the Browns re-signing Nick Chubb. This concern was not from the standpoint of ‘is he good or not’. Nicholas Jamal Chubb is an absolute animal. Rather, the uncertainty of Chubb’s future with the Browns stemmed from the uncertainty of the front office’s value of him. Running backs have relatively short shelf lives in the NFL. They get hit by gladiators every time they touch the football unless they score. Even when they score, they are still probably getting hit. Teams run them into the ground and will part ways with them at the end of their rookie contract. It’s an unfortunate truth in the NFL.
Browns fans were overjoyed when Cleveland signed Chubb to a three-year deal earlier this summer. Nick Chubb wanted to stay in Cleveland, and stay he did. Chubb is a two-time pro bowler and consistently one of the best RBs in the league. He has secured a second contract, his own cereal line, and the number three spot on this prestigious list. Chubb jersey confirmed.
#2 MYLES GARRETT
Flash Garrett is one of the most feared defensive ends in the known universe. Drafted first overall in 2017, Myles Garrett has lived up to his expectations in the fullest. Myles Garrett earned a 7-year $125 million dollar monster contract. His desire to bring home the Lombardi trophy for The Land is unwavering. If you are looking to purchase the jersey of a Browns player that will put fear in opposing quarterbacks for the foreseeable future, look no further.
Garrett is not your average NFL player. He is a poet, an avid Dragonball Z fan, a philanthropist, and a student of dinosaurs. His Instagram posts and comments will regularly reference Jurassic Park. While he has never said so publicly, it can be inferred that Myles Garrett has applied his knowledge of Dragonball Z and velociraptors to maximize his skill as an edge rusher.
He put up 4.5 sacks on Sunday against the Bears, setting a franchise record. The entire stadium chanted his names. It was essentially that scene from Gladiator. Are you not entertained? I am. Hell yeah Myles.
I became the proud owner of Mr. Garrett’s jersey in 2018 (his sophomore year). I had some apprehension of purchasing his jersey due to the previous superstitions listed. Thankfully, he made the Pro Bowl that year. I have logically concluded that the irrational fear (and well founded superstition) of purchasing jerseys of #1 overall Browns picks only applies to players on offense. A Garrett jersey is a solid investment.
I parted ways with my Garrett jersey last year the day before the second Steelers matchup. The week prior the Browns lost to the Jets. I am not putting the entire blame on the Garrett jersey, but rather the combination of me and the Garrett jersey (as well as a failed egg beer chug attempt). Things ended amicably between both parties. I met a kid at the airport who was attending his first Browns game with his mother. The kid only had a Kellen Winslow jersey, so I decided that a new home for #95 was in order.
Bryson is currently 2-0 against the Steelers with his Myles Garrett jersey. Keep up the good work kid 🤝. Finally, we arrive to the top jersey for Browns fans to purchase.
#1 CHASE McLAUGHLIN
OH BABY THE BROWNS HAVE A KICKER!
The place kicker position has been shaky at best since Phil Dawson parted ways with the team in 2012. It is a position that never gets the respect it deserves. If a kicker misses a field goal when the game is on the line, everyone hates them. When they make a field goal, they are given the “meh, way to do your job” treatment.
Chase McLaughlin made the cut this year when Cody Parkey went down with a quad injury in the preseason. He has bounced around to NINE different teams since he entered the league in 2019 as an undrafted free agent. He has not missed an extra point yet (*knock on wood). There were no field goal attempts in Kansas City. He made his first field goal for the Browns against the Texans for 30 something yards (meh, way to do your job Chase).
His second attempt was the following week against the Bears. The Browns offense had been stifled by the Bears defense going into the second quarter. Chase was given the opportunity to tie the game with a casual 57-yard attempt. No pressure.
57-YARD FG. #Browns
📺: #CHIvsCLE on FOX
📱: NFL app pic.twitter.com/iAw4vzjJIQ— NFL (@NFL) September 26, 2021
He nailed it. It was the longest field goal made in franchise history. He then joined the ranks of Phil Dawson to be the only Browns kicker to make two field goals of at least 50 yards in one game. He is currently 5-5 on field goal attempts. I think we found our guy. Kids, don’t stop CHASE-ing your dreams (rad sports journalism pun).
Phil Dawson was one of the most regularly seen jerseys in both the Muni Lot and First Energy stadium for years. It can only be concluded that the more Chase McLaughlin jerseys are worn, the more he will succeed for the Browns. And make no mistake, he will be needed.
Chase McLaughlin jersey purchase confirmed 🤝.
Side note: The egg beer chug is 2-0 this season.
